Love is not the last room: there are others
after it, the whole length of the corridor
that has no end.

Yehuda Amichai

* * *

The Second-Last Room
by afrai

* * *

Ichigo had dozed off after the third game show, but something woke him up. He lay unmoving (hah!) for a moment, then carefully opened half an eye.

Rukia glared down at him.

"I knew you were awake!"

"Aargh," said Ichigo. Her hair was almost brushing his face. She clapped her hands over his mouth.

"Shh! Do you want the whole four -- the whole hospital to come rushing in?"

"Mmfrgrkgerroff!"

She jumped back and perched on a bedpost, grinning her slightly insane grin -- the manic smile of one who has a cause and doesn't care who knows it. Televangelists and personal fitness trainers always made Ichigo think of Rukia.

"How the hell did you find me?" And he thought he'd shaken her off after the accident, damn.

"Impressive, eh? You should've known a mere hospital transfer would be nothing to a Vice-Captain of the Gotei 13!"

Ichigo squinted.

"You're still a Vice-Captain? I would've thought you'd have risen in the ranks by no -- damn it, don't kick me, I'm on the verge of death here!"

"Wimp." But Rukia halted mid-flight and back-flipped anyway, landing neatly on her perch. "You've grown soft."

Ichigo held up a finger.

"Hey. Eighty years of wear and tear, a liver transplant operation, and oh yes, total paralysis of the lower body takes its goddamn toll. Lay the fuck off."

Rukia opened her mouth, then frowned, distracted.

"Liver transplant? That's new."

"Whaddya know, the old one was shit." Ichigo shrugged, though the movement lost some of its force from the fact that he was on his back in bed. "I'll live."

It took a moment for Ichigo to realise that he'd laid himself wide open, but by then it was too late, of course. Sparring with Rukia had been just the same. He had power and, he liked to think, moral force on his side, but throwing everything into a fight the way Ichigo liked to do involved letting his guard down -- and Rukia was fucking fast.

"I was meaning to speak to you about that -- "

"No."

"Have you ever considered -- "

"Never."

"You haven't even heard what I was going to say!"

"I heard it the last two times. I told you. My answer is no."

Rukia glowered. With that expression, she bore an unnerving resemblance to his oldest granddaughter. Ichigo briefly considered telling her this, but staying alive was the whole point of this exercise in futility, after all.

How long ago was it, since Rukia had started looking young to him? He hadn't understood, until then, the gap that existed between being human and being dead.

The blankets shot off the bed onto the floor.

"Oi!" Fuck, it was cold -- "Rukia!"

She stood over him, arms folded, face grim.

"Get up, Ichigo."

"Fuck you! If the nurse comes in and sees that I'm gonna get hell -- "

"Get up and walk!" Her eyes were fixed on his face, and Ichigo, looking up, felt the yell die in his throat. She always looked at him as if she still saw the orange-haired retard whose life she'd saved.

She was good at saving. Understanding, now, that was a completely different matter -- but then, understanding was harder. Ichigo was willing to let it go.

"Give it up, Rukia," he said, closing his eyes. "I'm not coming with you."

"How can you be -- how can you allow yourself to be so weak?" said Rukia, her voice bitter with all the fury and heartbreak of incomprehension.

"I'm not -- fuck, you're annoying." Ichigo sighed. "Look, I'm old, I'm broken in about half a million places, my doctor is this far from asking my liver on her next fishing trip, they're that close. Don't you think it'd be easier for me to just get up and leave all this? Go back to running after monsters with you and your crazy colleagues?"

"Then why don't you? You'd just need to get up -- "

"Yeah. That, maybe. Because it'd be too easy." Ichigo laughed, though it hurt a little. "But mostly -- Rukia. It's been a long time. I have ... stuff here. A family. Friends. Some dead kid's liver .... People who need me. People I owe."

"You owe it to them to fight."

"I owe it to them to live," said Ichigo. "I've done the whole fighting for the dead thing. I have different battles now."

Rukia clutched at the hilt of her zanpakutou and turned away. Ichigo pretended not to understand why.

"I can't believe you," she said, her face turned to the window. "Don't you care? This is important!"

He rolled his eyes, though she wouldn't see it.

"It's not the only thing that is," said Ichigo. "It's always goddamn Hollows with you -- " But one pep-talk wouldn't change that. Rukia and her fucking cause. He felt tired, but what was new?

Rukia was a fierce dark silhouette against the dying light, her face cast in shadow. She'd never been a graceful loser either.

"You know, Chad's still alive," he said.

"Is he."

"Yeah. Still strong as a -- well, as Chad would be," said Ichigo. "I think he's gonna live forever. Outlive us all. I'd get him to be my pallbearer, but he's already done that too many times for it to be fair -- "

"I think he'll die when you do," said Rukia quietly. "When he has nothing left to protect."

The world was blue-grey outside the window. You couldn't see the sunset from here.

"Yeah. Maybe," said Ichigo. "And he has grandkids, so I guess I'd better stay alive."

"Ichigo."

Nobody said his name the way she did.

"Yeah?" he said.

"I'm not giving up," she said, still looking out at the darkening sky. "One of us shouldn't."

"Oh jeez, do you still not -- you know what, fine. Whatever the hell you want to think. Go ahead and do whatever you want, not that you've ever done anything else in your crazy -- "

"It was good seeing you," she said, and in the electric surprise of that, she was gone.

"Bitch," said Ichigo disbelievingly into the silence she left. "You bitch, you did not."

But she had. Outmanouevred again, and it wasn't even like she did it on purpose, left him goggling in idiotic silence; no, that part came natural. She was like a fucking natural disaster --

And she'd left the blankets on the floor.

"Rukia!"


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