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Dissemble

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Life-saving was a lot more complicated in Ankh-Morpork.

Upon being saved from being trampled by a team of spooked horses, most people were usually too shaken up to ask much about their rescuer, but Morporkians were sturdier than most people. If they were going to be unreasonably saved from a terrible death by a mysterious young man who had miraculously shown up out of nowhere, they wanted to know exactly how it'd happened, and whether they could sue anyone over it.

The carter Clark had just rescued was no exception. He looked like he'd been the kind of kid who insisted on taking unacceptable birthday presents back to the shop. The look he was directing at Clark was distinctly suspicious.

"Are you a wizard?"

Clark considered this option.

"Yyyy?" he said. Magic would be a very convenient explanation. . . .

"Yes," he said confidently.

But the man kept staring at him. His arms, to be specific. And his . . . well, his chest.

Clark hunched. He could feel the blush creeping up his neck.

"Only you're sort of . . . bulgy for a wizard," said the carter. "They tend to be, sort of, skinnier. The young ones, anyway. Less like they eat five bullocks for breakfast and can lift carts with one hand tied behind their backs."

Clark thought fast.

"I did a spell," he said, "to make myself, uh, bulge. I don't actually look like this at all."

The carter's eyes narrowed.

"You're skinny?" he said doubtfully.

"Skin and bones," said Clark, "except you wouldn't believe there was space for bones, I'm that thin."

"Not got muscles?"

"Nope," Clark said, with the cheeriness of desperation. "At least, not what you'd call muscles. They get me to dinner and back, but that's about all they're good for."

"Smell sort of weird and unpleasant?"

"Um." Clark didn't mind the rest, but hygiene was a bit of a tender point with him. And to a Morporkian, whose idea of a cleaning agent was spit that hadn't got too much phlegm in. . . .

"Yes," he said bravely. "That's right. Smell like I haven't had a bath since the last time the river flooded."

"And that's 'cos you haven't had a bath since the last time the river flooded?"

"Yeah," said Clark. "Yeah, absolutely."

The man brightened.

"Well, that's all right then," he said. "Thought you were a Thing from the Dungeon Dimensions, so I did. Won't need this, then."

He dropped the pitchfork and grinned. Clark grinned back weakly.

It was a dog's life, honestly.

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